| Who Said it: | Quote: | Submitted by: | Date Submitted: | Time Submitted (Eastern Time): |
| From (That's So Raven) | Raven: Are you messing with my CD player?
Corey: No. Raven: Then why is this slice of bologna doing in my CD player? |
Stan | 08/10/2003 | 00:49 |
| Kim Possible | What's the sitch? | Stan | 07/30/2003 | 03:13 |
| From (Sabrina, 1999) | Quigley: You three are grounded!
Salem: Good move, Quigster. Quigley: You're grounded too, Salem! I hate it when you call me Quigster! |
Stan | 07/26/2003 | 17:42 |
| Skinny Thug (Toonsivania) | Hey! Open the window. It's an oven in here! | Stan | 07/24/2003 | 21:58 |
| Oolong | Watch the water in the mouth, you muscle-bound midget! | Stan | 07/23/2003 | 19:48 |
| Quigley (Sabrina, 1999) | Salem, I got your favorite... Tuna! | Stan | 07/23/2003 | 19:46 |
| Goku | Uh... What's a bath? | Stan | 07/23/2003 | 19:41 |
| (From Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) | Jason: It's Morphin Time!
Zack: Mastodon! Kimberly: Pteradactyl! Billy: Triceratops! Trini: Sabre-Toothed Tiger! Jason: Tyrannosaurus! |
Stan | 07/23/2003 | 19:36 |
| From (Powerpuff Girls) | Mr. Bernstien: All right! Nobody move or the Mayor gets it!
Mayor: No no no! You're doing it all wrong! (as Edward G. Robinson) All right! Nobody move or the Mayor gets it! |
Stan | 07/12/2003 | 18:42 |
| Cartman Kenny Kyle and Stan[South Park Movie] | Cartman:Lighting farts in a bunch of Bullshit.
Kenny:No itz not. Cartman:oh Yeah? I bet you 100 Dollars you can't do it. Kenny:Watch. [Kenny pulls out a match and lights it then holds behind his butt] POOF!!! Kenny:Wahahahahaha!!! [Then Kenny bursts into flames] Kenny:Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! [Kenny runs around then a salt truck appears and covers him in salt] Stan:Oh my GOD! They killed Kenny! Kyle: You Bastards! [Then the boys are in the hospital watching while paramedics try to save Kenny] Paramedic:We gotta get this heart out it's burnt to hell. [Opens Microwave] Paramedic:[A few hours later]Son are you ok? [Kenny opens eyes] Kenny: Holy Shit. Paramedic:I'm afraid instead of your heart you have a baked potato. YOu only have 3 more seconds to live. Kenyy:WHAT!?!?!?!? [Kenny's chest then explodes] Stan:Oh my god! THEY killed Kenny. Kyle: You Bastards! |
Kenny | 07/11/2003 | 19:20 |
| Steven King | "They say I'm a horrible person, but that just isn't true....I have the heart f a young boy...In a jar on my desk..."
(I'm also Samantha, the boy wonder and the magical dancing jelly And I'm bored, so A.I.M. me at xLoismustdie011x |
Auntie (face)cheekpincher | 07/6/2003 | 20:14 |
| from (Ghostbusters II) | Venkman: Hey, that's Jello
Zeddemore: I hate Jello. Venkman: Oh, come on! There's a lot of room for Jello. |
Stan | 07/5/2003 | 10:14 |
| Narrator (Batman, 1966) | Tune in tomorrow. Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel. | Stan | 07/5/2003 | 10:05 |
| Chunk (The Goonies) | Oh, Wow! A police chase! (gunshots) Real bullets! (Milkshake sprays on him, window smeared by pizza) Aw, (bad word)! | Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:50 |
| N/A | Goku: Master Roshi, get off the toilet. There's a girl downstairs.
Roshi: Darn it Goku. I said hold on. (toilet flushes) Roshi: Will you stop screaming all over the house? It's plain emberassing! Goku: (pinches his nose) You're stinky... |
Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:47 |
| Yamcha | Either you give me the Dragonballs, or you'll die!! | Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:45 |
| Fred Flintstone | Shut up, and drink! | Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:43 |
| Cartman | YOU DILDO! | dj gs68 | 06/23/2003 | 16:09 |
| officer barbrady and juvi delinquent josh myers | barbrady: hello, josh. i'm with the southpark police.
(pause) josh: that's a terrible cologne you're wearing officer, you should try something more, casual. barbrady: yes...i was wondering if you could help me out with a toilet papering case. josh: tell me, officer, why do you police such a small town? you must have had larger inspirations. what happened to those "big city dreams"? barbrady: please, i need your help. what would you want in return? josh: due to the harsh nature of my crimes they don't allow me to have toiletpaper in my cell. you can imagine how bothersom that becomes. barbrady: you know i can't get you toiletpaper, josh. josh: no, but it was worth a try wasn't it? tell me, when you went to the academy you had something to prove. you wanted to protect and defend, but mostly to defend, yourself. what was it, officer, you were protecting yourself from? barbrady: my uncle charles used to hit me with a belt. (starts crying) josh: thank you. (pause) you have the crime scene photeos with you. let me see them. (looks through pictures) yes, nice work. these people are professionals, or at least one of them is. barbrady: so you think there could be more than one? josh: the toilet paperers are between the ages of 8 and 10, probably virgins. the parents would have noticed that much toiletpaper missing, so they must have bought it themselves. find the toiletpaper and you just might find your man. |
danny carey (correcting) | 06/9/2003 | 14:27 |
| officer barbrady & josh myers | barbrady: hello, josh. i'm with the southpark police.
(pause) josh: that's a terrible cologne you're wearing officer, you should try something more, casual. barbrady: yes...i was wondering if you could help me out with a toilet papering case. josh: tell me, officer, why do you police such a small town? what happened to those big city dreams? barbrady: please, i need your help. what would you want in return? josh: due to the harsh nature of my crimes they don't allow me to have toiletpaper in my cell. you can imagine how bothersom that becomes. barbrady: you know i can't get you toiletpaper, josh. josh: no, but it wa worth a try wasn't it? tell me, when you went to the academy you had something to prove. you wanted to protest and defend, but mostly to defend, yourself. what was it, officer, you were protecting yourself from? barbrady: my uncle charles used to hit me with a belt. (starts crying) josh: thank you. |
danny carey | 06/9/2003 | 14:17 |
| Spike(Buffy the vampire slayer) | I'm insane, what's your excuse? | cougargurl0307 | 06/8/2003 | 17:33 |
| N/A | Spongebob: Now since we're on the run, we can talk dirty! Patrick: Ok! ok! ok! Let me try. Hey punk. |
yahoo try skk8ter5000 | 05/21/2003 | 01:26 |
| Some sign on Engrish.com | NO SMORKING IN BUILDING. | dj gs68 | 05/14/2003 | 22:31 |
| the bible.. not kidding | Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom-both young and old-surrounded the house. They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them."
Genesis 19:1-5 |
NatE | 05/14/2003 | 16:06 |
| Big Gay Al | I'm Super! | Han Bao Heng | 05/14/2003 | 03:22 |
| Chow Yun Fat (The Corruptor) | If you want to be Chinese .. you have to eat the nasty stuff. | Han Bao Heng | 05/13/2003 | 02:33 |
| Cartman | Cartman: I will do the Greman dance for you, it's fun an gay and tra la la! I hope eyou like my dance, trilli trilli Ay! | Anthony | 04/28/2003 | 23:08 |
| Whos line is it anyway..drew and colin | drew: "Titles for Colin's autobiography..
Collin: "You dont need hair to satisfy every woman you meet..!" |
katy. | 04/28/2003 | 17:41 |
| SOUTH PARK | the 4 guys: WHAT DO WE WANT?
Stan: GAYS IN SCOUTS! the 4 guys: WHEN DO WE WANT IT? timmy: TIMMY!!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 04/24/2003 | 17:37 |
| Pat Sajak On Wheel Of Fortune | Well, we won't send you away empty-handed. We'll give you $500 for making it on the show. That should cover the bus ride home. | Jake | 04/18/2003 | 22:21 |
| Matt Groening | "Beware of all enterprises requiring you to wear a chicken suit and wave at motorists" | Lili | 04/16/2003 | 03:56 |
| Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes | It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. | Lili | 04/16/2003 | 03:55 |
| Braveheart | Is that your father you talk to, or do you converse with the almighty?
In order to find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God |
Fergi | 04/7/2003 | 18:15 |
| South Park | Kyle: Ow. What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
Cartman: I'm killing you. Unfortunately, I could only afford a wiffle bat, so it's gonna take a while. Kyle: Cartman! Cartman: Don't fight it, Kyle. Just slip into sweet unconsciousness. |
Kevin | 04/3/2003 | 04:26 |
| Hank (King of the Hill) | The dip was so thick, our chips were snapping like Joe Theismann’s legs. | Joey Joe Joe | 03/28/2003 | 16:03 |
| SpongeBob SquarePants | Spongebob: You can’t give up. What if we help you?
Mermaid Man: No, no, that’s a terrible idea. But what if you help me? |
Brandon | 03/23/2003 | 19:50 |
| SpongeBob SquarePants | Spongebob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good. [Sponge knocks on the door, someone answers]
Man: Hello? Patrick: I love you. [harp plays, the man slams the door] |
Brandon | 03/23/2003 | 19:42 |
| SpongeBob SquarePants | Spongebob: We’re not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic!
Patrick: Um… I got it! Let’s get naked! Spongebob: No, let’s save that for when we’re selling real estate. There must be something! What was the reason we bought those bags? Patrick: He said we were mediocre. Spongebob: That’s it! He made us feel special! |
Brandon | 03/23/2003 | 19:41 |
| SpongeBob SquarePants | SpongeBob: I don't understand what we're doing wrong.
Patrick: I don't understand anything. |
Brandon | 03/23/2003 | 19:38 |
| Contestant on Whammy: The All-New Press Your Luck! | Hello, my name is Kelly, and I need the money because I'm being audited by the IRS! | Brandon | 03/18/2003 | 00:04 |
| With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:36 | |
| To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:36 | |
| Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:35 | |
| Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:35 | |
| Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:35 | |
| A computer? | As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. | Brandon | 03/15/2003 | 14:34 |
| Willy Wonka (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) | We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams. | Steve | 03/3/2003 | 06:34 |
| Home Improvement | Al (greeting his girlfriend): Ileen!
Tim: Of course ya lean, you're lopsided. |
Kevin | 03/1/2003 | 04:54 |
| I did | When I look inside the angel eye of the one ilove, its like a moment frozen in time! | hatchet man | 02/27/2003 | 18:36 |
| Star Trek: Enterprise | T'Pal: We need to reduce our speed.
Archer: The ground is gonna do that for us. |
Kevin | 02/12/2003 | 23:29 |
| American Music Search commercial | We open doors that you can't get through. | Kevin | 01/17/2003 | 23:14 |
| Angry Beavers | Norbert: Correct me if I'm wrong, but, aren't cyclops' supposed to have one eye!?
... Cyclops: You don't know what it's like to grow up with two eyes! Norbert: Actually, I do... |
Brandon | 11/24/2002 | 14:13 |
| A street sign | 22th Street | Brandon | 11/24/2002 | 03:06 |
| Dan Aykroyd | I don't have to prove nothin' to nobody. I'm a Ghostbuster, a Conehead, and a Blues Brother. Who else on the planet can say that? | Kevin | 11/16/2002 | 06:02 |
| The Flesh (Action League Now) | (about to die:) Losing strength... not...having...fun... | Brandon | 11/8/2002 | 14:49 |
| Michael Meyers in A+ Certification Exam Guide book | With a 64-bit address bus, we will see CPU's that can address 264 bytes of memory, or more precisely, 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 bytes of memory. | Kevin | 10/27/2002 | 21:53 |
| George, "My Best Friend's Wedding". | It's amazing the clarity that comes with psycotic jealously... | Sarah E. Summers | 07/1/2002 | 23:40 |
| E.E Robins jewelry commercial | Once you've found the perfect engagement ring, all you have to do is slip it on her finger and watch her melt. | Kevin | 06/1/2002 | 16:03 |
| Beth | Never assume it's the end, it's usually the beginning. | N/A | 05/7/2002 | 16:55 |
| Michelle | The cow flies at midnight when everybody is sleeping. | Kevin | 05/2/2002 | 20:17 |
| Arnold (in True Lies) | What can I say? I'm a spy. | Kevin | 04/17/2002 | 17:00 |
| Radio commerial | The Spirit of Washington Dinner Train: So authentic, there's no telling where it will take you. | Kevin | 03/15/2002 | 20:32 |
| Dr. Evil (from Austin Powers 1) | Y'know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attatched to their heads. | Kevin | 03/11/2002 | 00:09 |
| Greg Proops on "Whose Line is it Anyway?" | The good news is, you're having a disease named after you
|
Kevin | 03/7/2002 | 21:02 |
| The priest in the Count of Monte Cristo | MC: There are 719,032 stones in my cell. I have counted them many times.
Priest: Ah, yes, but have you named them? |
Lindsey | 02/28/2002 | 23:24 |
| Excerpt from a joke, author unknown | Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. | Kevin | 02/24/2002 | 17:35 |
| Cherri from Clueless | I will when birds fly! | Theressa | 02/20/2002 | 18:15 |
| InstaShelves commercial | Beware of shelves that don't light up! | Kevin | 02/5/2002 | 17:57 |
| Jim Carrey (as The Grinch) | Oh, the Who-manity! | Kevin | 01/19/2002 | 01:59 |
| Freaky Moustached Dude on Pringles | Once they pop, the fun don't stop! | Stephanie | 01/6/2002 | 21:11 |
| Carla | Okay, who's high? | N/A | 01/1/2002 | 02:21 |
| Lt. Worf (Star Trek TNG) | Sir, I protest! I am not a merry man! | Kevin | 12/21/2001 | 00:50 |
| Nelson/Mannis Flatliners | Nelson: Give me 30 seconds. Set the blanket up to warm, take me up to 93 degrees, slowly. Inject one cc of adrenaline and at one minute, Joe you come in with the defibs, and you bring me back to life.
Mannis: With brain damage. Resembling in many ways, a cabbage patch doll. |
Sarah | 08/16/2001 | 17:11 |
| Hannibal- Silence of the Lambs | I do wish we could chat longer, but i'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye. | Sarah | 08/16/2001 | 17:06 |
| Cockroaches (singing) from Joe's Apartment | Funky towel, towel's got the funk! | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 15:45 |
| Morpehus (The Matrix) | The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 15:16 |
| from Monty Python and the Holy Grail | Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI! Other Knights: Shh... Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG! Zoom-Boing! Z'nourrwringmm!" |
Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 15:03 |
| King of Swamp Castle(Monty Python and the Holy Grail) | When I first came here, all this was swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England. | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 15:02 |
| from Monty Python and the Holy Grail | Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt! Bedevere: A newt? Peasant: I got better. Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY! |
Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 14:59 |
| from Clue | Wadsworth: But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist. Wadsworth: But he never reappeared. Mrs. White: He wasn't a very good illusionist. |
Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 14:44 |
| Stephen (Braveheart) | God says he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're f***ed. | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 14:38 |
| Morpehus (The Matrix) | There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 14:34 |
| Jerry (Conspiracy Theory) | Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you're in love, you'll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won't care, screaming "Geronimo" the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just... whoa, she wrecks me. I'd die for her. | Kevin | 08/16/2001 | 14:32 |