| Who Said it: | Quote: | Submitted by: | Date Submitted: | Time (Eastern): |
| Comic Book Guy | Wost episode ever. | Homer | 08/6/2003 | 12:16 |
| Ralph | Will you be my mommy? | N/A | 08/6/2003 | 12:14 |
| Ralph | My Daddy Shoots People! | mintcondition.2ya.com | 08/4/2003 | 15:03 |
| Homer | I dance, I dance, I dance.
Around the Mexcan hat! I dance I dance I dance. And that is the end of that. Or is it I still keep on singing. My cell phone appears to be ringing... |
Kevin | 08/3/2003 | 23:11 |
| Bill Cosby | Pokemon??! Pokemon?! is that were you get the Poke' an the Mon'with the thing, an the thing which conmes out of the thing an its all arggghhr gerrrrrrrargghrrahhhhhaharrgh | Phil | 08/3/2003 | 20:08 |
| Homer | Those mobsters dont scare me...bart go start daddys car | Phil | 08/3/2003 | 20:04 |
| millhouse | remember ALF? hes back...In Pog Form! | Phil | 08/3/2003 | 20:02 |
| Homer | Homer: OH BOY! Buffalo testicles! | skamfull | 08/1/2003 | 23:01 |
| Homer and Bart | Bart: "What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?"
Homer: "All the time. It was the title of our second album." |
Justin Greger | 08/1/2003 | 13:08 |
| Ralphie | Go banana | Stu | 08/1/2003 | 06:15 |
| Homer | Exactly, heh heh heh...DOH! | Stu | 08/1/2003 | 06:09 |
| Hannibal Lecter | Excellent (Hisses) | Stu | 08/1/2003 | 06:05 |
| Homer | Hey...That's not the wallet inspector... | Stu | 08/1/2003 | 06:03 |
| homer | i dont approve of his bart killing policy, but i do aprove of his selma killing policy | A_Spoon | 07/29/2003 | 14:19 |
| Ralph | me fail English? That's unpossible! | Ben | 07/25/2003 | 08:16 |
| Ralph | I almost died! | Ben | 07/25/2003 | 08:13 |
| Flanders | Jack-a-ninny! | Ben | 07/25/2003 | 08:04 |
| Homer | Hello, Operator? Get me Thailand...T...I...and so on... | Ben | 07/25/2003 | 08:02 |
| Homer | (blows air horn) Hey Marge, look at all this great stuff I found down at the marina...it was just sitting in some guy's boat! | Ben | 07/25/2003 | 08:00 |
| N/A | Marge: Homer!
Homer: What? This is how the pros do it!! |
Stan | 07/23/2003 | 19:52 |
| Ralphie | I'm a brick. | Colleen | 07/21/2003 | 10:25 |
| Marge | I don't think that the drunkard is appropiate for babies. | Stan | 07/21/2003 | 03:01 |
| N/A | Audience: BOOOOOO!
Burns: Smithers, are they booing me? Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!" Burns: Are you saying 'boo' or 'Boo-urns'? Audience: BOOOOOO! Hans Moleman: I was saying 'Boo-urns'. |
Chuck | 07/18/2003 | 22:56 |
| gay guy | hot stuff coming through | shut up | 07/18/2003 | 22:14 |
| homer/Marge | Homer: Marge i wanna take Bart hunting
Marge: Home that's rediculis...u never went hunting and u are perfectly straight! Homer: Oh yeah? Well when was the last time u had a baby? |
lola | 07/18/2003 | 22:12 |
| Jasper | Paddling the school canoe, that's a paddling. | Jack Bottom | 07/17/2003 | 07:54 |
| Homer/Marge | Homer: Marge can I get a duck?
Marge: You already have a monkey! Homer: Can he get a duck? |
skamfull | 07/16/2003 | 21:08 |
| Homer/Abe | Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: ........Where are we going? |
skamfull | 07/16/2003 | 21:03 |
| n/a | Homer : can i have a table for the mayor
Waiter : yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesss Homer : Is it over there? Waiter : yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesss Homer : ooh why do u speak that way? Waiter : because i had a strrrooooooooooooooke |
Darren | 07/16/2003 | 16:27 |
| Lisa Simpson's gym teacher | "Gym isn't just about encouraging fitness, it's about exposing weakness. | Klaxon | 07/15/2003 | 16:25 |
| N/A | Marge: I made your favorite dinner. All three courses are dessert.
Homer: Even dessert? Marge: Dessert is THREE desserts! |
Kevin | 07/15/2003 | 02:18 |
| Ralph | I think I wet my bed | Cheyenne | 07/15/2003 | 01:05 |
| Ralphie | This place smells like hot dogs!
|
Cheyenne | 07/15/2003 | 01:01 |
| mr. skinner | God speed Nibbles. | beth | 07/15/2003 | 00:05 |
| Homer | English, who needs that? I'm never going to England | poopy butt-man | 07/10/2003 | 21:13 |
| Homer | (rings a cowbell, then chips off)
Darn, you eBay! |
Stan | 07/9/2003 | 11:57 |
| Fat Tony/Johnny Tight-Lips | Fat Tony: Johnny Tight-lips, you see anythin'? Johnny Tight-lips: I see a lotta things... Fat Tony: You know, you might be a little more helpful? |
Dave | 07/8/2003 | 04:21 |
| Simpson Fam | Marge: Whats wrong Lisa? didnt you get enough lamb-chops?
Lisa: I CANT EAT THIS! I CANT EAT A POOR LITTLE LAMB. Homer: Lisa get a hold of yourself. This is lamb not "a" lamb. |
skamfull | 07/6/2003 | 23:53 |
| ??????? | To the Puckmobile! (Batman TV theme song plays)f | Stan | 07/5/2003 | 09:58 |
| Ralph/Miss Hoover | Ralph - Miss Hoover, i ate my worm, can i have another one?
Miss Hoover - NO RAPLF...just sit there and go to sleep! Raplh - ALLRIGHT...thats where I'm a viking! |
HIOOO DAVEEEE | 07/3/2003 | 13:05 |
| Homer | Being eatin by an alligator is just like sleeping.....in a blender! | sex | 07/3/2003 | 13:03 |
| Homer | I hope these things are going somewhere nice! | Dave | 07/3/2003 | 13:02 |
| Ralph | I'm going to Bovine University...I'm gonna smell like hotdogs! | Dave | 07/3/2003 | 13:00 |
| Homer | Yes, Bart's nerd friend. | Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:36 |
| N/A | People: (singing the Batman song, but the word Batman replaced by Leader)
Homer: Batman! I mean Leader! |
Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:20 |
| Bart | Cool, the old Batman show! | Stan | 07/2/2003 | 02:18 |
| investerettes/Homer | *Marge at investment club*
MArge: I'm not wild about these high risk ventures, they sound a little risky. Maude: Oh Marge, you are such a wet banklet. Edna: If we listened to you we wouldnt have sponsored that mexican wrestler. Agnus: Yet she still gets to share in all the profits! Marge: I guess im not comfortable of the whole idea of "investing." Lou-Ann: hmmm, face it, you cant keep up with the go-go 90's. Hellen: Wll Marge, your about as popular as rug-burn, All in favor of expelling marge from the inversterettes. Everyone: I! Marge: Alright Hellen if im not wanted i'l leave. Hellen: You'll get your pancakes in the mail. *back at home* (retelling the story to homer) Marge: then they give me back my 500 dollar investment and kicked me out of the club. Homer: Wait Wait wait wait wait. Back up a bit now. When are the pancakes coming in the mail? |
skamfull | 07/2/2003 | 00:29 |
| Homer/Royce | *Simpson Fam at the Franchise Expo*
Royce McAuchin: Thats the miracle of the franchise, to get all the equipment and know how you need, plus a familiar brand name people trust. You'll be on a rocket ride to the MOON! And while your there can you pick up some of that nice moon money for me!? Royce McAuchin. Homer: No deal McAuchin that moon money is mine! |
skamfull | 07/1/2003 | 16:51 |
| Milhouse (to Martin) | Your not pudgy, you’re your fat! | Jake | 07/1/2003 | 12:12 |
| milhouse | Can you lasso me a banana? | Jake | 07/1/2003 | 12:11 |
| Ralph Wiggum | They taste like burning | OMAN | 06/30/2003 | 10:45 |
| Ralph Wiggum | Dying tickles | OMAN | 06/30/2003 | 10:44 |
| Chief Wiggum | Chief Wiggum - Ralphie, if you stop the car i'll let you play with my gun. | 009.5 | 06/30/2003 | 10:39 |
| Ralphie | I almost died. | Agent 009 and 1 half | 06/30/2003 | 02:12 |
| owner/Homer | Gun-shop owner: Password?
Homer: Let me in you idiot!!! |
Agent 009 and 1 half | 06/30/2003 | 02:10 |
| Burns & Smithers | (after watching Bart's report on the ducks)
Burns: (Crying) Smithers, do you think my plant killed those ducks? Smithers: (Sobbing) No doubt, sir. Burns: (crying) Excellent. |
Yoku | 06/29/2003 | 01:16 |
| Simpson family and Co. | Lisa: That's ridiculous. No body has a catchphrase.
(Homer knocks over a lamp) Homer: D'oh! Bart: Ay Currumba! Marge: Hmmm! Barney: Burp! Nelson: Ha ha! Maggie: (sucks on pasiphire) Flanders: Hi-didilly-ho! Mr. Burns: Excellent. Silence Lisa: (defeated) If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room. (walks out) Homer: What kind of a catchphrase is that? |
Yoku | 06/29/2003 | 01:13 |
| Homer | You can't send me to prison! They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie! | Yoku | 06/29/2003 | 01:02 |
| Homer & Marge & Lisa & Jail Guard | Jail Guard - Homer Simpson, you have visitors.
(marge, bart and lisa walk over to homer's jail cell) Marge - Homer, please tell me you didn't steal Moe's car. Homer - Hold on, the guard said I have visitors. Lisa - Dad, we are the visitors Homer - Ohhhhhhhh! yeah I knew that. |
OMAN | 06/27/2003 | 21:24 |
| Homer & Marge | Marge - Homer, why all the black?
Homer - Why all the perals? Why all the green? |
OMAN | 06/27/2003 | 21:15 |
| Homer & Marge | Marge - Homer, you don't need the drugs anymore. The doctor said your eyes have healed perfectely.
Homer - Eyes? What the hell are you talking about. |
OMAN | 06/27/2003 | 21:09 |
| homer | gotta get some fuel for my mule, some gas for me ass! | meggs | 06/27/2003 | 19:06 |
| Homer | What did she say about cupcakes | Jake | 06/26/2003 | 17:15 |
| View Lady | We're talkin DOWNTOWN!! | kev | 06/26/2003 | 00:32 |
| Grandpa | Grandpa:My sone is not a sexual harasser....he may be fat, balding, lonely, a sexual harraser,but he is not a communist | Guess | 06/25/2003 | 17:16 |
| Milhouse | Sometimes I wish a cat would eat me. | Jake | 06/25/2003 | 16:38 |
| Milhouse | This is were I come to cry | Jake | 06/25/2003 | 16:36 |
| Millhouse | This is were I come to cry | Jake | 06/25/2003 | 16:35 |
| Moe | Maybe Someday I will turn into A swan...Oh God(and cry's) | Jake | 06/25/2003 | 16:32 |
| Homer | Homer(singing to the chumbawumba song): I take a whiskey drink! I take a chocolate drink! And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!! | Jordan | 06/24/2003 | 23:46 |
| Chief Wiggum | Chief Wiggum: Sarah! Ralphy! It's me! Chief Wiggum! | Mandy | 06/24/2003 | 10:14 |
| hhjfkdsl | homer-"just a little airbourne it's still good, it's still good"
bart-"it's gone" homer-"i know" meanwhile burns-"i think i'll donate a million dollars to a childrens orphanage....when pigs fly" (laughing)(see the pig flying) smithers- "are you still gonna donate the money?" "nah, i'd rather not" |
Pink | 06/23/2003 | 02:25 |
| homer | "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that." | twist | 06/23/2003 | 02:12 |
| homer | "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" | twist | 06/23/2003 | 02:11 |
| barneys japenese g/f | "I would like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a mans hat" | twist | 06/23/2003 | 02:09 |
| homer | "D'oh!!!" | a classic | 06/23/2003 | 02:08 |
| Homer | "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!" | Twist | 06/23/2003 | 02:07 |
| HOMER | "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" | "QUOTE" | 06/23/2003 | 02:06 |
| homer | "Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." | "QUOTE" | 06/23/2003 | 02:06 |
| HOMER | "To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems" | "QOUTE" | 06/23/2003 | 02:03 |
| homer | "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night. | "QUOTE" | 06/23/2003 | 02:02 |
| Homer | "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races." | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 02:01 |
| Homer | "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try" | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 02:00 |
| Homer | "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love." | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 01:58 |
| Homer | "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 01:58 |
| Homer | "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." | "QUOTE" | 06/23/2003 | 01:57 |
| Homer | "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe) | YANKEE | 06/23/2003 | 01:56 |
| Homer | "Trying is the first step towards failure."
words to live by lol |
YANKEE | 06/23/2003 | 01:53 |
| Homer | "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone." | YANKEE | 06/23/2003 | 01:52 |
| Homer | "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" | YANKEE | 06/23/2003 | 01:52 |
| Bart | : "Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ." | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 01:51 |
| Bart | "There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 01:50 |
| Milhouse | Remember when he ate my fish and you said I didn't even have any fish, then why did I have the bowl bart? Why did I have the bowl!!?? | LoNeR | 06/23/2003 | 01:49 |
| Homer | Homer: Is the poop deck really what I think it is?
Captain: hahah i like your gig Homer: What's a gig? Captain: hahah promote that man |
B Ritter | 06/22/2003 | 12:16 |
| N/A | Marge: "Where'd you get that suit?"
Homer: "Whoa! One question at a time, Marge! If you must know, I got promoted today...and I owe it all to Yes-I-Cannibis!" *Walks away* *GASP!* WE HAVE A KITCHEN!?" |
Mark | 06/22/2003 | 01:17 |
| Homer | Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow don't come in on Monday.
Homer: WOOHOO! 4 day weekend |
B Ritter | 06/21/2003 | 19:13 |
| Homer | "But I'm no missionary. I don't even believe in Jebus." | Jessica | 06/19/2003 | 14:18 |
| Ralphie | I'm happy and angry! | Stephanie | 06/18/2003 | 23:18 |
| ranier wolfcastle | if you dont shut up, ill take rip your throat out and use it as a napkin | simon | 06/18/2003 | 15:59 |
| N/A | 1st guy from the company of Powersource bars: Hey Rainer we have a new commercial lined up for you.
2ndguy y from the company of Powersource bars: Picture this, It's You... Rainer Wolfcastle/MacBain: I Love It! |
sam | 06/18/2003 | 06:21 |
| N/A | 1st guy from the company of Powersource bars: Hey Rainer we have a new commercial lined up for you.
2ndguy y from the company of Powersource bars: Picture this, It's You... Rainer Wolfcastle/MacBain: I Love It! |
sam | 06/18/2003 | 06:21 |
| homer/lisa | Homer-what about pork and ham and bacon?
lisa- dad those all come from the same animal! homer-yes a magical animal (said sarcastically) |
LoNeR | 06/17/2003 | 23:16 |
| homer/marge | Marge- everyones afraid of something
Homer- Pfff not me Marge-SOCK PUPPETS! Homer-AHH AHH WHERE WHERE? |
Penis | 06/17/2003 | 23:12 |
| Homer | OH!!! THEY HAVE THE INTERNET ON COMPUTERS NOW!!? | LoNeR | 06/17/2003 | 23:10 |
| Homer | i just wanted to see honk if your horny in peace!
guy with hot voice- i got a movie for you fatty..A fridge too far! |
LoNeR | 06/17/2003 | 23:05 |
| Homer | When i was 17 i drank my very first beer, i drank my very first beer i purchased with a fake ID my name was Brian McGee, i stayed up listening to Queen, when i was 17 | LoNeR | 06/17/2003 | 23:02 |
| old man on home alone | nah he's grown up now.. | Beerwald | 06/17/2003 | 23:00 |
| Homer | Is poo-poo one word or two? | HAMMER | 06/17/2003 | 22:59 |
| Ralph | I once picked my nose 'til it bleeded | L-Bomb | 06/15/2003 | 09:49 |
| Skinner, Chalmers, Agnes & Krusty | (Super Intendant Chalmers walks Agnes to the front door)
Chalmers: Well, I had a lovely time, Agnes. (Skinner opens the door in his pyjamas) Skinner: (gasps) Mother! Agnes: Seymore! Skinner: Super Intendant Chalmers! Chalmers: SKINNER! Skinner: I wish something would happen to interrupt this awkward moment... (Krusty flies by very low in his plane, laughing crazilly) Skinner: That will do quite nicely. |
Yoku | 06/15/2003 | 07:04 |
| Lisa and Co. | (About Lisa being a vegetarian)
Girls: Are you gonna marry a carrot, Lisa? Lisa: (sarcastically) Yeah! I'm gonna marry a carrot! Girls: She admitted it! She's gonna marry a carrot! |
Yoku | 06/15/2003 | 06:56 |
| Eddie | (after their guns are confiscated)
I needed my gun to make me feel like a man. Now, all I have is my huge genitals. |
Yoku | 06/15/2003 | 01:26 |
| Homer | Homer: Hey, Ned. It's that gir you don't like...NOT! | XxLimitedmoonxX (@aol) | 06/15/2003 | 01:08 |
| Skinner | Skinner: Well if by 'wank' you mean educational fun, then it's Wanking time! | Yoku | 06/14/2003 | 04:28 |
| Ralph | (when everyone gets their ears pierced)
Ralph: (with his earring caught on his shirt) My ear hurts and my shoulder hurts. I have two Owies! |
Yoku | 06/14/2003 | 04:26 |
| Bart/Marge | BART: Mom! I just saw Krusty!
MARGE: Yes, dear. In your mind. BART: No! On the street! MARGE: On the street in your mind. |
Yoku | 06/14/2003 | 04:21 |
| Marge | This town is a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all! I'm sorry to repeat myself kids, but it will help you remember. | Yoku | 06/14/2003 | 04:18 |
| Ralphie | "I wanna go to Africa! See lions, tigers, and Santa!" | Bri | 06/12/2003 | 21:42 |
| Various | Comic Book Guy and Agnes make love in his apartment.
COMIC BOOK GUY Well, you've changed me, Agnes. Maybe there is room in my store for romance comics. AGNES Nobody will buy those. Your store smells. Now kiss me, funny face. The police break down the door. WIGGUM All right... oh! Dear God! Cover your eyes boys! Eddie turns away and throws up. Lou comforts him. LOU It's okay, man. It doesn't affect you. You're not human. WIGGUM Comic Book Guy, you're under arrest for the possession of illegal videos. (covering his eyes) But we'll reduce your sentence if you put your pants on - fast! God! LOU Come on, Romeo. COMIC BOOK GUY They can't lock me up for long, Agnes. Will you wait for me? AGNES Are you crazy? My bones are half dust! |
SaberBlade | 06/11/2003 | 07:43 |
| Homer Simspson | The Great Louse Detective S14E06
Sideshow Bob: Homer, think carefully. Of all the people you have known, who might have reason to do you ill? Homer: Hmmmm, well there's Mr. Burns, Fat Tony, the Emporer of Japan, ex-President Bush.... Marge: The late Frank Grimes. Homer: ....PBS, Steven Hawking, the fat little Dixie Chick. Marge: And the State of Florida! Sideshow Bob: How can one hornery man have so many enimies? Homer: I'm a people person....who drinks. |
Pat | 06/10/2003 | 06:16 |
| bart and mo | Bart:Hi is mike there.
Mo:Mike who. Bart:ah roch. (Mo talks to people in bar) Mo:has anyone seen mike roch. wheres Mike Roch.Why you little. |
Justin | 06/9/2003 | 13:59 |
| homer | docter: this operation could drastically increase your brain power......or it could possibly kill you.
homer: increase my killing power, eh? lets do it! |
danny carey | 06/8/2003 | 18:21 |
| Homer | (After being told there is a badger in the doghouse)
Badger my ass, it’s probably Milhouse. |
bellamente | 06/8/2003 | 00:28 |
| Milhouse | "Like that time I lost my goldfish and you said I didn't HAVE any goldfish, but why did I have the bowl, Bart? WHY did I have the BOWL?" | Elzz | 06/7/2003 | 07:15 |
| Homer | Tell me who to smite and they will be smoten. | Shawn | 06/6/2003 | 05:35 |
| Homer | Marge there is this empty hole inside of me, i tried filling it with family, religon and community but they were all dead ends! i think this chair will do it! | Courtney | 06/6/2003 | 00:24 |
| Homer | Let us Celebrate our New Arrangement With the Adding of Chocolate to Milk. | Nick | 06/5/2003 | 22:23 |
| Skinner | Skinner: "Good Gravy"
Lunch Man: "Thanks, its just brown and water." |
MJA | 06/4/2003 | 15:57 |
| Burns | Somewhere, there is a small crippled child in the hospital who really wants us to win. I know this becuase I'm the one who crippled him toi inspire you. | MJA | 06/4/2003 | 15:55 |
| homer | marge come on!!! its uterus, not uteryou | natalie | 06/3/2003 | 17:23 |
| Homer Simpson | Lenny: Don't pick on Homer, he's just a little slow...
Homer: Wait a second, something said... not good. Homer: Homer: Wait a second.. Lenny called me slow. LATER THAT NIGHT SAME PLACE Homer: How dare you call me slow!!! Lenny: Homer are you still here? |
Dean K | 06/2/2003 | 23:57 |
| Ned Flanders | Ned: calm down Ned - diddly -diddly.
Ned: Oh Hell -diddly-dingdong-crap! |
Dean K | 06/2/2003 | 23:54 |
| Nerds | We are the knights who say 'ni!'....hehehehehee | Dean K | 06/2/2003 | 23:51 |
| Groundskeeper Willie | Theres not nearly an animal alive who can outrun a greased scotsman! | Andrew | 06/2/2003 | 23:50 |
| Groundskeeper Willy | Willy: Do you have any grease?!
Lunch Lady Doris: Yes, yes we do.. Willy: THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN! Lunch Lady Doris: Okiedokey. |
Dean | 06/2/2003 | 23:47 |
| Groundskeeper Willy | Willy: Do you have any grease?!
Lunch Lady Doris: Yes, yes we do.. Willy: THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN! Lunch Lady Doris: Okiedokey. |
Dean | 06/2/2003 | 23:46 |
| Abe Simpson | Abe: Old McDonald had a farm e i e i o, and on this farm he had a chick, the swingingest chick i know, with a wiggle wiggle here and a wiggle wiggle there...
Homer: Get off the stage! Abe: I want to but i can't! |
Andrew | 06/2/2003 | 23:44 |
| Skinner/students | (snowed in at school)
Seymour Skinner: Children is seems the phone lines are down. So im afraid were stuck here for the duration. Kerney: But its my kids birthday. Martin: Im doing a puzzle with grandmama, and she'll finish without me. Skinner: yes yes, we all had plans, except for me of course, im right where i wanna be. Nelson: I can cut a trail through the snow, im part eskimo. Skinner: I dont care if your Christy Yamiguchi. No one leaves the building. Bart: This stinks, we'll miss the itchy and scratchy where they finaly kiss. Skinner: I dont care if they're kissing Christy Yamiguchi, your not going home. |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:37 |
| Marge/Ruth | Marge(walks into car): you look nice.
Ruth Powers: Tonight has nothing to do with nice, tonight is all about (puts tape into the car). Song starts playing "Sunshine loly pops and rainbows every"....Oh sorry wrong tape." |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:29 |
| Homer/Tim | (Home and Marge getting re-married)
Lovejoy: Dearly Beloved. Homer: Wait, I want one last chance to enjoy single life(scratches his butt, and burps out loud) OK ready. Tim: I will now read theses special vows that homer has prepared for this occasion. "Do you marge, take homer in sickness and in poorness, poorness is underlined, In impudence, and in impotence, in quite solitude, or blasting across acolyte flats in a jet powered monkey, navigated....And it goes on like this." |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:23 |
| Homer/Marge | Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life.
Homer: yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:14 |
| Simpson Family | (Family eating in front of TV on little tables.)
Homer (licking his plate clean): Marge, cant we get some clear plates. I cant see the TV. Marge: Is it really necessary to watch TV while were eating. were getting food all over! (dropps a meatball, homer picks it up before maggie, snowball II, and santa's litlter helper had a chance). Bart: If you really wanted us to be neater you would serve us out of one long bowl. Marge: your talking about a trough. were not going to eat from a trough! |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:12 |
| Homer | Homer: LISA! THE BLOB HAS GOT ME, dont touch me or it'll get you too. | skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:06 |
| Homer/Amish | (After building pool, which looks like a barn)
Homer: ALRIGHT! EVERYBODY IN THE POOL! Amish man: It's a fine barn, but sure tis no pool english. Homer: DOH'th! |
skamfull | 06/2/2003 | 11:04 |
| Homer | "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!" | Jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:30 |
| Homer | "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!" | Jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:27 |
| Homer | "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
|
Jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:27 |
| Ralph |
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! |
jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:23 |
| Homer | "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if it’s speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The bus that couldn’t slow down." | Jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:21 |
| Comic Book Guy | "Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world." | Jess | 06/2/2003 | 05:18 |
| Homer | Listen up, life obsticals! | ME! | 06/1/2003 | 23:19 |
| ralph | why does every one run away from me(pees his pants) | Lobster | 06/1/2003 | 02:20 |
| RALPH AND HIS TEACHER | MY RED CRAYOND WENT UP MY NOSE CAN I HAVE ANOTHER PLEASE
TEACHER; NO RALPH JUST SIT THERE AND TAKE A NAP |
SNOOPY | 05/31/2003 | 10:23 |
| HOMER | DDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO | ADRIANNA | 05/31/2003 | 10:20 |
| Otto | They call 'em fingers, but I ain't never seen 'em fing! Oh, there they go. | Becky | 05/31/2003 | 01:38 |
| Homer | The call is from Heroism, will you accept the charges? | Becky | 05/31/2003 | 01:35 |
| N/A | Homer: Even Flander's lawn is greener than ours!
Marge: Well, maybe if you didn't keep passing out on ours! (the lawn has homer's body outline all over) |
N/A | 05/20/2003 | 20:45 |
| Abe Simpson | Abe: You can't change your name! That name is my legacy to you! I got it from my father! He got it from his father! And he traded a mule for it! And that mule went on to save spring break! | Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:42 |
| Homer | Homer: Dog for sale! Dog for sale!
Dr. Hibbert: Excuse me sir, how much for the dog? Homer: Oh i'm sorry, he's not for sale. |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:36 |
| Homer | Homer: Wait boy! You didn't finish your spaghetti and moe balls!
Homer's Brain: Quiet you fool! They could be ours! Homer:(stuffing his face with food) Run boy! Run for your life! |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:34 |
| Homer | Homer: Don't worry I learned all there is to know about horse training from the movie "The Horse Whisperer". Step One, seduce a lonely house wife. (Homer looks up at Maude in the window.) Ma'am. Step two, (whispering in the horse's ear) When the gates open, run REALLY fast. | Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:32 |
| Homer/Ned | Homer: Of course he doesn't like her! He has to wait until she likes him back. And there's only one way to find out.
(Homer takes out paper fortune teller) Ned: This says I have cooties! Homer: Flanders has cooties! Flander has cooties! |
Your name; | 05/20/2003 | 20:29 |
| Homer | Movementarians: Would you like to come to the lodge with us for a special presentation?
Homer: Will there be beer there? M: I'm sorry beer is prohibited. H: whoa....Homer no function beer well without. |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:25 |
| Homer | (Bart is aiming tank cannon at random buildings)
Homer: Not the frame store! You monster! |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:23 |
| Homer | (After huge tree goes through Springfield crushing buildings, one of which is called Kentucky Fried Panda)
Homer: NOOOO! It was finger ling-ling good! |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:20 |
| Lawyer/Willie | Lawyer: Where were you at the time of the carjacking?
Willie: I was in my unabomber style shack all day. I don't know anything about the carjacking. Lawyer: Carjacking! Who said anything about a carjacking?!? Willie: But you just said! Lawyer: I'll ask the questions around here! Now listen here carjacker Willie. DefenseAttorney: Objection! Judge: I'm going to allow him to identify the defendent as a carjacker. |
Your name: | 05/20/2003 | 20:17 |
| Abe Simpson | Call me Mint Jelly cause I'm on the lamb! | Your name | 05/20/2003 | 20:10 |
| Homer/MiddleEasternVender | Correction....
Homer:What do you have to drink? Vender: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice. Homer: Eeewwww. Ugggh. I'll take the crab juice. |
JeffDahmer | 05/20/2003 | 20:09 |
| Homer | Jebus Save Me!! | JG | 05/18/2003 | 17:31 |
| homer | marge, its uterus not uterue!! | lobey | 05/18/2003 | 11:42 |
| Dr. Hibbert | Dr. Hibbert: You even get a presciption bong. Do you want the skull or the wizard? | Ben | 05/17/2003 | 12:48 |
| Dr. Hibbert/Homer | Homer: But isn't marijuana illegal?
Dr. Hibbert: Only for people who enjoy it. |
Ben | 05/17/2003 | 12:46 |
| Troy McClure/Selma | Selma: Don't you love me?
Troy: Sure I do...like I love Fresca! Isn't that enough? |
Ben | 05/17/2003 | 12:43 |
| Ralph Wiggum | When I grow up I want to be a principal or a caterpillar! | Ben | 05/17/2003 | 11:54 |
| Troy McClure | Jimmy: Mr. McClure? I have a crazy friend who says it's wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy?
Troy: No, just ignorant. You see, your crazy friend never heard of the food chain. (shows diagram of different animals with arrows pointing from them towards a person's mouth) |
Ben | 05/17/2003 | 11:50 |
| Troy McClure | Oh Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid!" | Ben | 05/17/2003 | 11:45 |
| Bart & Homer | (driving home from the Springfield Swap Meet)
Bart: I got this cool pencil holder. Homer: (Laughing) Far out, man. I haven't seen a bong in years! |
Ben | 05/17/2003 | 11:40 |
| homer | *working at home on disability*
Homer: 8:58, first time ive ever been early for work. except for all those day light savings day, lousy farmers. (reading computer screen)...To start press any key...Whers the any key? I see Esk(esc), Kitaral(ctrl), and pig up(page up). There does seem to be an any key! phew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think i'll order a tab (presses tab and holds cup to computer). OH! no time for that now the computers starting! panteleev quote aleady at the bottom =) |
skamfull | 05/16/2003 | 11:40 |
| Homer | Lisa: Dad you promised you'd get my saxaphone back!
Homer: We're working on that hunny, also literacy programs, community service, World Domination! Lisa: World domination?! Homer: Oh sorry that must be a typo. ( :: Note to self, The girl knows too much :: ) |
Anthony | 05/15/2003 | 21:55 |
| Bart and Lisa | Lisa: Dad we want a pool.
Bart: But before you answer, we must warn you that no will result in several months of, CAN WE HAVE A POOL DAD? CAN WE HAVE A POOL DAD? CAN WE HAVE A POOL DAD? |
Anthony | 05/15/2003 | 21:50 |
| Moe | Barney: is it alright to come out? Mr. Gay man?
Moe: Yeah we'll do anything you say!!........... Anything!! |
Anthony | 05/15/2003 | 21:47 |
| Homer | I like it when, wait marge, what was it again?
When it is raining men? Yeaaa that was the one (turns to bart) Son you will neer again say that! |
Lyle Waldman | 05/15/2003 | 20:46 |
| Lenny/Carl | Lenny (When scared to jump in the swimming hole): I'm shakin' like a French soldier.
Carl: I've just logged in to my internet. |
cdawg | 05/15/2003 | 11:04 |
| Lisa/owner of itchy and scrathy | owner: you kids dont know what you want! thats why your still kids, cause your stupid! JUST TELL ME WHATS WRONG WITH THE FREAKIN SHOW!
(ralph starts to cry) Lisa: uh excuse me sir, the thing is, that there's nothing wrong with the itchy and scratchy show, its as good as ever. but after so many years the characters cant have the same impact they once had. owner: thats it. Thats it little girl! YOUVE SAVED ITCHY AND SCRATCHY! Burns lawyer: Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save itchy and scratchy. |
skamfull | 05/14/2003 | 13:45 |
| homer | *Homer drives home on night and sees a shadow of a man in his front lawn (its just a scarecrow) but he gets scared.
Homer: AHHHH!! AAHHH!! I'll regroup at Red Lobster |
skamfull | 05/14/2003 | 11:08 |
| Bart | "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it." | David H. | 05/14/2003 | 00:31 |
| Homer | "Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman." | David H. | 05/14/2003 | 00:26 |
| Homer | "You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really onto something." | David H. | 05/14/2003 | 00:25 |
| Homer | "No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed." | David H. | 05/14/2003 | 00:24 |
| Homer | "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" | David H. | 05/14/2003 | 00:20 |
| Ralphie | I ate the purple berries..they tasted like burning | N/A | 05/13/2003 | 17:39 |
| Homer/Gabriel | Gabriel (entering with heavenly choir)
Gab: Hello, im Gabriel. Homer: huh! a heavenly choir! you must be an angel. Gab: hehe, no thats my pager. Im a social worker. Im here to help stop fighting and become a family again. Homer: No, you are an angel. Like Denzel Washington in the preachers wife, or will smith in Bagger Vance. Or slimer, in Ghost busters. |
skamfull | 05/13/2003 | 12:19 |
| Simpson Family | *after learning the oldest olympic gold medal winner was 38*
Homer: 38! thats roughly my age. Marge, after a lot of thought, ive decided to run the springfield marathon. Marge: Oh please, you get tired watching the twilight zone marathon. hahaha, im a regular Billy Crystal. Bart: you got that right. Lisa: Well dad i think running is good excersice, it adds years to your life. Homer: stay out of this lisa. Marge ive made up my mind. I'll do your job for a day, and you do mine. THEN we'll see who has it tougher. *everyone else confused* |
skamfull | 05/13/2003 | 12:12 |
| Homer | Homer: Hello, im Shaquele O'Neal, let us in please. | skamfull | 05/13/2003 | 12:06 |
| Duffman | Everything going dark, like Duff Stout. The beer that made Ireland famous. | B Dub | 05/13/2003 | 10:43 |
| moe | who the hell am i talking to? | Ryoga | 05/13/2003 | 00:15 |
| Homer | Save me, Chaka kon, chaka kon! | Ryoga | 05/13/2003 | 00:14 |
| bart | Hey Mom are house is turning into a crap hole from hell. | N/A | 05/12/2003 | 16:40 |
| Marge | Lousy Homer. I'll show him! Tonight his beloved mock-apple pie will have real apples! | Kevin | 05/11/2003 | 23:58 |
| Homer | Tom Kite: Homer use an open faced club... preferably the sandwedge
Homer: mmmmmm open faced club sandwich |
Bob | 05/11/2003 | 18:02 |
| Homer | "a women is more like a beer.. they smell good.. they look good.. and you'd step over your own mother just to get one..." | Bob Morane | 05/11/2003 | 17:41 |
| Ralph Wiggum | Fun toys are fun! | Ben | 05/10/2003 | 11:04 |
| Duffman | Oohh Yeaahh! | Ben | 05/10/2003 | 11:02 |
| Otto | I don't need drugs to enjoy this...just to enhance it. | Ben | 05/10/2003 | 11:00 |
| Homer | Homer: Here, turkey, turkey, turkey! *sees turkey through gun aim thingy* What the hell is that thing? *gasp* A turkey!
Moe, hiding in bushes: I'll scare off that turkey with a cougar call. Homer after hearing cougar call: *gasp!* A cougar! Die, cougar!*shoots Moe Moe: Ow, my leg! Homer: Got that cougar right in the leg! |
Baka | 05/10/2003 | 01:58 |
| Ned & Homer | NED: Maude and I sell reiligous foot rugs over the internet.
HOMER: Internet eh? NED: Yes indeedy, making some goood scratch HOMER: Scratch eh? NED:Yep! HOMER: Maude eh? |
Flurk | 05/9/2003 | 21:52 |
| Burns and Homer | BURNS: Put my hand on her knee.
HOMER: Yes, Mr Burns. BURNS: I said her . And i said knee !!!!!!!! HOMER: OH sorry.. |
Flurkey | 05/9/2003 | 21:49 |
| Homer | Sweet merciful crap!!!.....MY CAR!! | Brandon P | 05/8/2003 | 19:25 |
| On Todays Church Topic | Todays Church Topic:
There's something about Virgin Mary |
skamfull | 05/8/2003 | 14:54 |
| Mulder/Scully | *Homer running on treadmill is fat is jiggling a lot*
Mulder: Wait a minute Scully, whats the point of this test? Scully: No point, i just thought he can stand too lose a little weight. Mulder: His jigglying is, almost hypnotic. Scully: Yes, its like a lava lamp. |
skamfull | 05/8/2003 | 14:33 |
| Homer | Homer: The alien had a sweet heavenly voice... like Urkle. And he appears every friday night....like Urkle. | skamfull | 05/8/2003 | 14:26 |
| Homer/Lenny | Homer: T.G.I.F guy im off to moes.
Lenny: but homer its 10 in the morning Homer: Dont worry, i have a plan. I saw this in a movie once about a bus that had to speed around the city. keeping its speed over 50. and if its speed dropped it would explode. I think it was called "The bus that couldnt slow down." |
skamfull | 05/8/2003 | 14:22 |
| Lenord Nemoy | *Nemoy guest starring on simpsons Xfiles episodes*
Lenord: Hello, im lenord nemoy, the following tale of alien encounter is true. and by true i mean, false. Its all lies. but they're entertaining lies. and in the end isnt that the real truth?......the answer, is no. |
skamfull | 05/8/2003 | 11:50 |
| Hutz and Marge | Hutz: "Would anyone care to join me in a belt of scotch?"
Marge: "But Mr. Hutz it's only 9:00 in the morning." Hutz: "I know, but I haven't slept in days." |
Meaggles | 05/5/2003 | 16:56 |
| Hutz and Marge | Hutz: "Oh no, we drew Judge Hopkins."
Marge: "Is that bad." Hutz: "Let's just say he's had in in for me ever since I kind of ran over his dog with my car." Marge: "Really?" Hutz: "Well, replace the words 'kind of' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'. |
meaggles | 05/5/2003 | 16:32 |
| homer/ned | Ned: You know this may sound just a tinsy beat, insane in the ole membrane Homer, but I was wondering if you could show me how to have some fun.
Homer: Well, Well, Well, so flawless flanders needs help from stinky pants simpson. Ned: hehe, yea i guess I do. Homer: Welly, Welly, Welly, Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus McGee. Ned: How bout it homer, will you teach the secret of your intoxicating lust for life. Homer:WELL..ITSY Wellitsy welly Ned: STOP THAT! |
skamfull | 05/3/2003 | 20:07 |
| Frink/Lisa | Frink: Excuse me Lisa, but i couldnt help but overhear your nerdly predicament. Maybe i can be of assistance with the dancing, twisting, and the Kung Fu Fiiighting. diddle iddle eed deedoo. | skamfull | 05/3/2003 | 19:46 |
| Frink/Lil Vicky | Lil Vicky: Professor Frink, will that space ship be ready for the recital?
Prof. Frink: I have visited the future and, yes it will. |
skamfull | 05/3/2003 | 19:42 |
| Lenny | Everyone makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on penicls | Ralph | 05/2/2003 | 11:31 |
| apu | shutup, shutup, i cant believe you dont shutup! | hayley | 05/2/2003 | 02:39 |
| Homer | Homer: why did you rat me out kids? was it because i showered love on those other children while ignoring you?
Bart: yup Lisa: pretty much. Homer: Well, i leanred my lesson. From now on you two will be the only kids i care about...Oh and maggie. |
skamfull | 04/29/2003 | 14:51 |
| Homer/Julius | Dr. Hibbert: Why Homer, your surgical incesion is completely healed.
Homer: I all it owe to my rewarding work with children, and not picking at it. Dr. Hibbert: Ah yes, how is your day care center doing? Homer: WONDERFUL, being with those kids gives me a high that only morphine can top... YOUR GOT ANY? Dr. Hibbert: Heeheeeheee, always with the morphine (takes out a syringe and gives it to homer) |
skamfull | 04/29/2003 | 14:48 |
| Ned/Homer/Hans/Marge | *Ned walking into Homer's house*
Flanders: Hey Homer! Homer: Oh it feels good to talk to another human being! (*whispers* stupid Flanders). Flanders: Hey homer i need to ask you a favor, my babysitter cancelled and i got tickets to a Christian Rock Concert. (holds up tickets says "Chris Rock In Concert). hehe, its gonna be one wholsome evening. So you think marge can take care of roudy rody and typhoon tod? Homer: Well Marge isnt here. She had to identify i body at the Morgue. *At the Morgue* (Man lifts up covering sheet) Marge: Thats not my uncle lou, and this mans not dead! Hans Moleman: Thats what ive been trying to tell you! Man: Thats just gas escaping. *Back at home* Flanders: Do you mind watching the kids? Im kinda in a pickle here. Homer: Well, they would keep me company, and this pickle you're offering only sweetens the deal. |
skamfull | 04/29/2003 | 14:42 |
| Julius/Homer | Dr. Hibbert: Homer im afraid you torn out your anterior, croton, ligament.
Homer: Did you say AN-terior? Dr. Hibbert: Yes. Homer: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWowowow!!! Dr. Hibbert: now how did this happen? Homer: hmmm, maybe a little morphine will refresh my memory...(gives him morphine)...I dont know, im still a little hazy...(gives him more morphine)...oh yea! now i remember it like it was yeterday. Dr. Hibbert: It happened today. |
skamfull | 04/29/2003 | 14:35 |
| Homer | *playing basketball*
Homer: Ok guys, i got a secret plan that ive been saving for the Olympics, or possibly to Final Four. And it goes something like this... (whispering) uh skinner, i want you to block carl, moe, you take professor frink. Homer you take grounds keeper Willy, No way am i taking grounds keeper wIlly, yes you are, are you a team player or not? |
skamfull | 04/29/2003 | 14:28 |
| Homer | To Beer! Cause of and answer to all of life's problems. | Alpha Drabo | 04/28/2003 | 15:37 |
| Duff Man | Duff man can't die, only the actors who play him. | Alpha Drabo | 04/28/2003 | 15:36 |
| Cletus/Marge | *Driving in their pretzel car"
Cletus: Hey slow down I wants to talk to ya! Give us 300 pretzels! Marge (talking to Homer): Your see, a little persistence and patience, paid off. That'll be 300 dollars! Cletus: I dont think so, you see I got 300 coupons. Marge: hmmm, I should of set limit one per customer. Cletus: Ok, now hand them over! HEY KIDS! WE EATIN DINNER TONIGHT! CMON! Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dillan, Dermit, Jordan, Tailor, Brittney, Wesley, Rumor, Skyle, Cassidy, Zoe, Cloe, Max, Hunter, Kendel, Katelyn, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ean, Lauren, Kubert, Phil! (Smiles) |
skamfull | 04/28/2003 | 14:43 |
| Homer | *Trying to find Malibu stacy collection from a hat the thief left*
*walks into "The Wooly Bully" Homer: Do you sell hats? Seller: Yea... Homer: To people? Seller: Maybe... Homer: People with heads? Seller: Sometimes... |
skamfull | 04/28/2003 | 14:29 |
| Simpson Family | Marge: I dont care what they say, I wont feel safe in this town until we have better police.
Homer: pppooh, yea, Wiggum couldnt catch cooties at Millhouses birthday party. Bart: Dad... (hitting his dad on his shoulder signaling that millhouse is sitting right next to them) Homer(talking to millhouse): ooh, seriously, Everybody says your parties rock. Marge: Homer this is all your fault, if you hadn't plugged in your dancing santa none of this would of happened. Homer: I admit it I did screw up. But I wont feel guilty till I can put a human face on this. Lisa( running in): Mom Dad! someone stole my Malibu stacy collection! Homer: Marge, doesnt Lisa have a human face? Marge: Yes and shes crying! (Lis crying) Homer: THATS IT! Nobody messed with my little girl, Im gonna find those dolls! Lisa: Are you gonna call the police? Marge: OH! forget it, they cant catch a cold with a......(gets stump)....cold...catching...thing. Homer: See when you dont use millhouse its hard! (Millhouse starts looking sad) eh, heh. I love this kid. |
skamfull | 04/28/2003 | 14:24 |
| ralph/miss hover | Ralph:Miss hover
Miss Hover:yea ralph Ralph:there is a dog in the vent! Miss Hover: remember the time you said snugglepuss was outside! Ralph:he was going to the bathroom |
kath | 04/26/2003 | 08:40 |
| Homer and Lisa | Lisa: Look! I found Grandpa's old radio, wouldn't it be nice to gather 'round, and have a listen?
Homer: Well turn something on! I'm starting to think!! |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:43 |
| Bart and Lisa | Lisa: When are you going to start taking responsibility for your actions?
Bart: Cuz I felt like it! Lisa: You're not even listening! Bart: I know you are, but what am I? |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:41 |
| Homer | Homer: I don't know Marge, trying is the first step towards failure. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:38 |
| Leonard Nimoy | Leonard Nimoy: Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. They're all lies, but they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer, is no. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:37 |
| Homer and Marge | Homer: Oooooo can I have a brownie?!!
Marge: Their for after dinner. Homer: Oooooo can I have dinner?!! |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:33 |
| Homer and Mr. Burns | Mr Burns: The strongest muscle is the human heart.
Homer: What about the weiner? A guy on TV picked up a can of paint with his. |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:31 |
| Homer and Science woman | Scientist Woman: First we'll test this experimental perfume on you.
Homer: OW!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!IT BURNS!!!! Scientist Woman: We'll call it desert breeze. |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:28 |
| Chief Wiggum | Remember son, if your nose starts bleeding your picking it too much, or not enough. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:24 |
| Lisa | Lisa: Hey look! Its the cane from Citizen Kane!!! Wait, there was no cane in Citizen Kane!! | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:18 |
| Homer | Homer: Is this like one of those horror movies where we go in and everything's normal so we think you're crazy, but then there really is a killer robot, and the next morning you find me impailed on a weather vane!!! IS THAT WHAT THIS IS LISA?!!! | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:12 |
| Homer | Marge: Homer, there's a woman here to see you about a car accident?
Homer: Take the kids out back Marge (Homer clicks gun), I'll handle this. |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:10 |
| Kent Brockman | Kent Brockman: So, whether your Christian or just non-Jewish, everybody loves Santa Claus! | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:06 |
| Bart | Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Santa. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:05 |
| Homer and Brother Faith | Brother Faith: Brother, I sense you're feelin' trapped, and desperate.
Homer: YEAH! And I got a bucket on my head! |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:04 |
| Homer and Mel Gibson | Mel Gibson: Mr. Simpson, I need your help.
Homer: Huh? Mel Gibson: I think you're right about my movie, and I want you to help me make it better. Homer: Really? You want my help? Marge, did you hear that? Mel Gibson wants my help! Mel Gibson! Lisa: Dad, I thought you hated... Homer: Shut up... |
Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:03 |
| Bart | We should be safe up here. I'm pretty sure fires can't climb trees. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 17:00 |
| Homer | Nobody snuggles with Max Power! You strap yourself in and feel the G's!! | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 16:57 |
| Homer | Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman- and i have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 16:56 |
| Ralph Wiggum | Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! My cat's breath smells like cat food. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 16:54 |
| Homer | Hello operator, give me the number for 911. | Murron | 04/25/2003 | 16:52 |
| Homer | But Marge, you dont know what its like! I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'n not out of order! YOUR out of order! You want the truth?!? You want the truth!?!? YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!! Coz when you put your hand down, into a pile of goo, that was your best friends face! You'll know what to do, forget it Marge, its chinatown! | Rod | 04/24/2003 | 21:58 |
| Lisa and Bart | (Bart and Lisa looking at Homer's shadow at Lighthouse)
Bart: Oh my god! Is that Dad? Lisa: Either that or Batman really let himself go... |
Anthony Ferrentino | 04/24/2003 | 17:30 |
| N/A | guy: come on!lets get this bank back to the hide out,we'll break into it later.
guy:oh no! its the cops! guy:worse,its the police cops! they exchange fire then the cheif comes cheif:i good work boys whats your name? cop:simpson,detective homer simpson (homer watching the tv) homer:(gasps)his names like my name!...did you see the way daddy handled the bad guys on tv sweetie lisa:dad thats not really you,its just a fictional character that happens to have the same name. |
mr x | 04/24/2003 | 04:01 |
| homer | (homer in his head) pick up bart!pick up bart!
homer:pickabar?what the hell is pickabar? |
mr x | 04/24/2003 | 03:53 |
| N/A | boy:i moved here from canada and they think i'm slow eh
girl:i fell off the jungle gym.and when i woke up i was here |
mr x | 04/24/2003 | 03:50 |
| homer | homer:gym?what the hell is a gym........(walks i) ohh a gym | mr x | 04/24/2003 | 03:40 |
| hans moleman | burns:were you saying boo,or boourns
crowd:boo hans moleman:i was saying boourns |
mr x | 04/24/2003 | 01:57 |
| Homer | "I know you can read my thoughts boy... yumyumyumyum yumyumyumyum..." | DIGITALPUNK | 04/23/2003 | 08:48 |
| Homer | I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.' | Chris | 04/22/2003 | 16:01 |
| Homer | "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!" | Chris | 04/22/2003 | 16:01 |
| Church Bilboard | TODAYS TOPIC:
HE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER |
skamfull | 04/22/2003 | 15:52 |
| Kent | Kent Brockman: Lisa Simpson was stripped from her crown today as little Miss Springfield. It seems as her father was filling out her application for the pagent, in the space that said "do not write in this space", Homer Simpson wrote, Ok. | Anthony Ferrentino | 04/21/2003 | 18:32 |
| Homer | Guy: Hi. Peter Framton, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, Smiling Politely. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 04/21/2003 | 17:58 |
| God | Keep that Popcorn Chicken coming, Colonel! ... Mmm! Not bad! ... I think it's about time for you to tell me what's in those spices. | Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:53 |
| N/A | Marge: Homer aren't you afraid you might be... I dunno... incurring God's wrath?
Homer: Eh. God's cool! Marge: See I don't know that He is. In the Bible He's always smiting and turning people into salt! |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:52 |
| Church billboard | HOUSEWARMING PARTY
LET THERE BE LIGHT BEER |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:52 |
| N/A | Rev. Lovejoy: You're giving him the church?!
Homer: He's not giving it to me. God is, because I prayed for it. Lisa: Dad, I think this might be the work of Satan. Homer: It's all good! |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:52 |
| Dr. Nick (about injury lawyer) | He got me sixty thousand dollars. And I was driving drunk in a graveyard! | Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:51 |
| N/A | Marge: Homer! God isn't some kind of holy concierge! You can't keep bugging him for every little thing!
Homer: Can and will. Now to unstop this sink! Lord, please use your space-aged clog-busting powers on this stubborn drain. And take some time off for yourself. Fly to France. Have a nice dinner. Marge: I'll just call a plumber. |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:50 |
| Homer | Move over eggs! Bacon just got a new best friend: fudge!
|
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:50 |
| N/A | Lisa Leslie: You like MALE sports?
Ned: Oh sure! Speed walking, ballroom dancing, rhythmic gymnastics, extreme choir... |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:49 |
| N/A | Lisa: Dad! It's so enlightened of you to take us to a WNBA game!
Homer: Yeah, well, nachos are nachos! |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:49 |
| Homer | Mmm... farfetched...
[after being lifted up by a giant basketball player and taking a bite out of the moon] |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:48 |
| N/A | Marge: Bart! You're a little young to be growling at seven-foot Chinese women!
Bart: Fine. I'll go back to being bored. |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:47 |
| N/A | Lisa: Look! That's Lisa Leslie. She showed little girls everywhere that they could grow up to be six-foot-five!
Bart: Lisa Leslie, you got game! Lisa Leslie: I think you mean I have game. Try to speak correctly. Bart: You go girl! Lisa Leslie: Yes, I will depart, lest your bad grammar rub off on me. |
Kevin | 04/21/2003 | 15:47 |
| Wiggum | Wiggum: This is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Do you have a permit for that?
Worker: No problem sir its in my car. *walks into car and drives away* Eddy: You got to stop being so trusting chief. Wiggum: I'd rather let one thousand guilty men go free than chase after them.... OK SHOWS OVER FOLKS! im afraid this horse is going to the dog food factory. Homer: Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food. |
skamfull | 04/18/2003 | 17:10 |
| Simpson Fam | *Lisa finishes playing "Living in a America" at the battle of the school bands at the state fair*
Lisa: Anyone got a building permit? cause we nailed it! Bart: Way to blow lis. Marge: That is the best version of Living In American ive ever heard. Homer: Third Best for me. |
skamfull | 04/18/2003 | 17:06 |
| Kent/simpson fam | Kent Brockmen: With such headliners such as little timmy and the shabangs, The Shabangs and, the new shabangs, featuring big timmy.
Marge: remember how excited we were when this place opened, then a week just later we forgot about it. Lisa: Im surprised they bothered to moved it when they moved the town! Homer: Oh I can explain that you see... Worker: 5-4-3-2... Bart: Alright! here comes the implosion. other worker: Implosion! but you said... |
skamfull | 04/16/2003 | 13:10 |
| Kent/Montey/smithers/simp fam | *Continuing from the kent brock men below*
Smithers talking to Burns: This must be heart breaking for you sir. Burns: Im just thinking of my employees. Oh the card-sharps, bottom-dealers, and shills. Where will they go? Smithers: They're managing your chain of nursing homes sir. Burns: Excellent |
skamfull | 04/16/2003 | 13:03 |
| ralph | Mrs.Hover there is a dog stuck in the air-vent. | Ralphy | 04/13/2003 | 11:26 |
| Kent Brockman | Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockmam live at the montey burns casino. Moments from now the house that social security checks built, will be demolished, to make way for a casino themed family hotel. | skamfull | 04/13/2003 | 05:14 |
| Bart | The Simpsons are in Japan
Working in a fish-butchering place to get money for a plane-ticket Fish:If you spare me I will grant you three..*dies* Bart:*Stabs fish* Knife goes in, guts come out, knife goes in, guts come out. |
Edilberto | 04/12/2003 | 11:34 |
| Simpson Fam | *Homer finding out a character on police cops has his name*
Homer: Wow, they captured my personality perfectly! Did you see the way daddy caught that bullet? Lisa: Thats not really you dad, he's just a fictional character who happens to have the same name. Homer: ............Dont confuse daddy lisa. Marge: Homer, its just a coincidence, like that man named Anthony Michael Hall, you stole your car radio. Bart: Right....coinidence. |
skamfull | 04/11/2003 | 12:50 |
| Homer/Lisa/Bart | *Watching Police Cops*
Bart: This isn't bad. Homer: Isn't bad? Tell me one thing that man kind has ever done that's any better? Lisa: The Renaissance. Homer: This is better. |
skamfull | 04/11/2003 | 12:45 |
| Simpson Family | EVeryone Watching TV
Voice on TV: The start of television's most exciting season, mid-season is just 200 exciting seconds. Homer: Door... Marge: Locked... Homer: Phone... Lisa: unplugged Homer: Dog, Cat Bart: Taped and corked. Homer: Perfect |
skamfull | 04/11/2003 | 12:43 |
| Homer | Burns: Do I have any massages?
Homer: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes to move your car. Your car is being towed. Your car is being crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move up your cube. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 04/10/2003 | 17:15 |
| Lisa/Ralph | Lisa: I hate to be a kill-joy but do you really think we can win playing "stars and stripes forever?" its so beginner band, and we're advance beginner band.
Ralph(drawing cat on drums): This is band? |
skamfull | 04/9/2003 | 12:42 |
| Announcer | "Maybe it's the teargas...or maybe this is the best damn prison rodeo ever." | Eric B. | 04/8/2003 | 18:04 |
| Laura Powers | Laura:Now take your teepa and dip it in your llabna. | Josh W | 04/7/2003 | 21:51 |
| Lugarsh | Lugarsh: I come to America by CARTWHEEL over berlin wall. | Josh W | 04/7/2003 | 21:50 |
| Ralphie and Principal Skinner | Ralphie - I want my teddy!
Skinner - Well, I dont have a teddy, but you can have this (hands him a metal sponge) Ralphie (rubs it against his cheek) - Its cold..and hurty. |
Meg Powers | 04/7/2003 | 19:15 |
| Lisa/Bart/Homer | *Lisa playing her sax*
Homer laughs... Bart: Dad I thought you didn't like her saxophone. Homer: I didn't, but now, daddy's special medicine-WHICH YOU MUST NEVER USE! CAUSE IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE!- lets daddy see and hear magical things you will never experience. EVER! Lisa: Dad, its 1 am, and im out of saliva! Homer: shh shh shh. (gives her money) (Lisa starts playing again) Homer thinking to himself: Wow, that saxophone would make a great pipe. |
skamfull | 04/7/2003 | 12:32 |
| Marge/Homer | *Marge Bart and Lisa break in room and see homer doing Marijuana*
Marge: HOMER your doing DRUGS! *takes it away from him* Marge: Ah! and now im guilty of possession, I can go to prison! unless I testify against you! Homer: Marge, its making my eyes betters, and its legal. I can walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face, and he'll just have to sit there groovin on it. |
skamfull | 04/7/2003 | 12:28 |
| Ralphie Wiggum | The day the doctor said I didn't have worms was the happiest day of my life. | Javier | 04/7/2003 | 00:17 |
| Ralphie Wiggum | My mommy says scabs are natures bandages. | Javier | 04/7/2003 | 00:15 |
| Ralphie Wiggum | I bent my wookie!
|
Javier | 04/7/2003 | 00:13 |
| Lisa | No one ever wrote a poem about sickly orange barf glow. | Brandon | 03/30/2003 | 23:42 |
| N/A | Homer: Ohh Marge! You think everyone is a criminal! Bart's boss is a criminal. If my powerplant pollutes the air, kills fish, and is very deadly, than by your standards, I'm a criminal! | Anthony Ferrentino | 03/29/2003 | 16:53 |
| N/A | Chief Wigum: Fat Tony! You're under the arrest for murder 1!
Fat Tony: What is a murder? Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me ! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/29/2003 | 16:49 |
| N/A | Chief Wigum: Fat Tony! You're under the arrest for murder 1!
Fat Tony: What is a murder? Chief Wiggum: on't play dumb with me ! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/29/2003 | 16:49 |
| Homer | Homer: If you're gunna get mad at me every time i do something stupid, then I guess I'm gunna have to stop doing stupid things! | Anthony Ferrentino | 03/29/2003 | 12:53 |
| homer | ive been sitting on the toilet all the live long day!!!!!!! | Chelsea | 03/28/2003 | 23:27 |
| N/A | (Homer tells when he was in college)
Homer: I would like to sign up for the debate club please. That's arguing right? Teacher: Yes, and the first topic is that the town speed limit should be lowered to 55 MPH. Homer: WHAT sure itt'l save a few lives, but millions will be late!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/28/2003 | 18:35 |
| N/A | (Homer tells when he was in college)
Homer: I would like to sign up for the debate club please. That's arguing right? Teacher: Yes, and the first topic is that the town speed limit should be lowered to 55 MPH. Homer: WHAT sure itt'l save a few lives, but millions will be late!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/28/2003 | 18:35 |
| N/A | Cletius: I LOVE YOU PA!
HOMER: I LOVE YOU CLETIUS!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/28/2003 | 18:32 |
| N/A | (Marge and Homer lose Bart Lisa and Maggie because of bad parenting to the Flanders')
(:: Dials Flanders ::) Operator: Your call cannot be connected to this adress, you negligant. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/28/2003 | 18:30 |
| Marge | The way I see it, if you can raise three kids who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right. | Les | 03/28/2003 | 16:04 |
| N/A | Lisa&Bart: MOM!MOM! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!!
Marge: Look, you kids are 8 & 10. I can't keep fighting all your battles for you... |
chili | 03/28/2003 | 15:53 |
| Bart & Lisa | Bart: Milhouse likes you.
Lisa: Oh please! Milhouse likes Vaseline on toast! |
chili | 03/28/2003 | 15:49 |
| Milhouse | I'm not a nerd Bart, nerds are smart. | Teeny Wenie | 03/27/2003 | 18:46 |
| Homer | I'm angry, must smash things, get revenge on world for making me mad!!! | Acid Blow | 03/27/2003 | 18:44 |
| N/A | Homer: Moe I need some advice. I got this friend named Joey Joe Joe Junior..... Shabaddo.
Moe: Homer thats the worst I ever heard. (Guy runs out of bar crying) Barney: WAIT!! JOEY JOE JOE!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/26/2003 | 17:17 |
| N/A | Marge: Maybe you can find out who left that mud in the freezer?
Bart: Who wants ice cream? Homer: ME ME ME!!! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/26/2003 | 17:11 |
| N/A | Smithers: Sir, I am really sorry I shot your wooden leg. I hope you can forgive me.
Old Guy: You shot who in the what now? |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/26/2003 | 17:08 |
| Skinner | Skinner talking to the school kids on stage
skinner: so from now on, anything caught in your zipper will be handled by the school nurse, and not me. And now, are you adequatley prepared to rock!? Kids: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Skinner: SILENCE! |
skamfull | 03/25/2003 | 18:11 |
| Smithers/Burns/Homer | Burns: Look at them Smithers, enjoying their Embezzlement.
Smithers: I have a much uglier word for it sir....Misappropriation!..........Simpson! Homer Gets scared and throws bowling ball on someones foot. Burns: Listen here!......I want to join your team! Homer: You wanna join my what? Smithers: You wanna what his team? |
skamfull | 03/25/2003 | 18:07 |
| Homer | Homer: Well, here I am right on time, I dont see Barney lets crash the rocket into the white house and kill the president Guuumble. | skamfull | 03/25/2003 | 18:02 |
| Marge/Homer/Bart | Bart: WOW! My father an astronaut, I feel so full of... whats the opposite of shame?
Marge: Pride? Bart: No not that far from shame. Homer: Less Shame? Bart: yeeeaa. Marge: you know homer, when I found out about this I went through a wide range of emeotions; first I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then aprehensive, then....kinda sleepy, then worried, and then concerned, but now i realize that being a space man something you have to do. Homer: Whos doing what now? |
skamfull | 03/25/2003 | 18:00 |
| Homer/Vender | Homer: Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vender: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice Homer: eew! shees! I'll take a crab juice. |
skamull | 03/25/2003 | 13:52 |
| Krusty the Clown | Kids, we have a special warning about Krusty Brand Chew-goo Gum. We knew it contained spider eggs, but the HANTA VIRUS! whoa! So please send $5 to Antidote.... | janeyb | 03/25/2003 | 04:28 |
| Homer | Bart: Who was the Fonz?
Homer: WHO WAS THE FONZ?! He freed the squares! Don't they teach you anything in school? |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/24/2003 | 23:14 |
| Homer | Trying...but that's the first step to failure. | Mike | 03/24/2003 | 22:38 |
| Homer and Bart | Homer- "Now you can either go eat that dogfood and cry until your tears start to smell like dogfood and your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog."
Bart- "You're right. I'm gonna go out there and find my dog." Homer- "Aw, man. I almost had him eating dogfood." |
Eric B. | 03/24/2003 | 19:41 |
| N/A | Vender: I've got crab juice or coke.
Homer: Ugh...I'll take the crab juice! |
Ruca | 03/23/2003 | 15:12 |
| Homer | Kent: What do you say to the acusation that your group is causing more crimes than its preventing?!
Homer: Oh Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't commiting crimes! Kent:.......... Toushay |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/21/2003 | 22:45 |
| Lisa | Lisa: Hey your not L.T. Smash..... HUH!! Lt.Smash! | Anthony Ferrentino | 03/21/2003 | 22:33 |
| N/A | Marge: Why don't wer doing something to take our minds off the storm? Ooh, a Rubik's Cube! Let's all work it together.
Lisa: Okay, start with diagonal colors. Homer: Use your main finger on the yellow side and your other finger on the orange side and turn it. Marge: My main finger? Bart: Orange to orange! Lisa: Now you have to turn it back, Mom... Homer: You gotta start backwards! Bart: Mom, Mom! Lisa: No, not so fast! No, ignore the red! Bart: No, no, no! Homer: Alternate corners! Marge: One at a time! Bart: Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise! Marge: Now I remember why I put this down here in the first place! |
Brandon | 03/21/2003 | 20:46 |
| Homer and Ned | Homer: Flanders, I was able to find your missing leafblower, belt sander and morning newspapers.
Flanders: Well, Nice work Inspector Find It. Did you catch the thief? Homer: Who said it was a he? Flanders: Well, I sure didn't. Homer: Who said you did? Flanders: Nobody. Homer: Wrong answer, let's go! Flanders: Okily Dokily. Homer: You're pushing your luck, pal. |
ERAD | 03/20/2003 | 16:33 |
| Homer | Marge: Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: Ok Pie. I'm gunna do this. (Opens and closes mouth, moving towards the pie) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (** Bites, Bites, Bites, Bites**) (Hits his head on the cobard) D'oh!!! Ah the hell with it. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/19/2003 | 20:27 |
| Homer | Marge: Your a rage-a-holic. Face it! Look, your punching the cat right now!
Homer: What the?- Oh my god your right! Oh my god! I'm a rage-a-holic. I just can't live without rage-a-hol! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/19/2003 | 20:09 |
| Bart | Homer: Ok, its almost ready to go!
Milhouse: I never knew science could be fun! Homer: Science? Bart: Uh he didnt say science, he said pie pants! Homer: MmMMm.... pie pants. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/19/2003 | 19:56 |
| N/A | Carl: According to the map, the cabin should be right here
Lenny: Hey! Maybe there IS no cabin! Maybe it's one a them, uh,metaphorical things. Carl: Oh yeah! Yeah! Like, maybe the cabin is the place inside of us created by our good will and teamwork. Lenny: Oooooh! ... Huh... they said there'd be sandwiches... |
Kevin | 03/19/2003 | 17:21 |
| Fat Tony | "I don't get it everyone likes rats, but they won't drink the rats milk?" | ERAD | 03/18/2003 | 17:16 |
| Lenny | "So I said to the cop, No! you're under the influence, of being a jerk!" | ERAD | 03/18/2003 | 17:13 |
| Fat Tony | "I don't get mad. I get stabby." | ERAD | 03/18/2003 | 17:12 |
| Bart/Homer | Bart: Who are those pleasant old men?
Homer: Its B.C.O, Canada's answer to E.O.P, their big hit was T.C.B. Bart: ............ Homer: Thats how we talked in the 70's, we didnt have a moment to spare. |
skamfull | 03/18/2003 | 12:10 |
| Ralph Wiggum | intercourse? | skamfull | 03/17/2003 | 14:30 |
| N/A | Homer: (after seeing Fat Tony beat the mayor with a pipe, he shakes his head in disappintment) Oh, Tony.
Tony: (innocently) What? What did I do? |
Dean | 03/16/2003 | 01:39 |
| Professor Frink | No, no. I felt that. You forgot to carry the one you foolish person! Now you must endure the wrath and the penalties and the compound interest. Buhhoyygan. | Dean | 03/16/2003 | 01:36 |
| Ralphy | "I'm a Dog!"
"My Brain feels funny" "I'm totem Pole" "the bumps tickle my butt" |
Kap | 03/15/2003 | 23:50 |
| N/A | Kids: Brush your teeth! Wash your Hands!
Milhouse: Yeah Adults always give us orders! Skinner: Yes! And your constantly disobeying them! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/15/2003 | 13:21 |
| Ralph | I wanna twirl * then twirls around* | Aimee | 03/14/2003 | 14:01 |
| Marge | Oh, look at that adorable spice rack! Eight spices? Some must be doubles. (looks at one of the spices) Ore-GAH-no? What the hell!?
|
Brandon | 03/13/2003 | 20:42 |
| Homer | let your kids run wild and free, because as the old saying goes, "let your children run wild and free!" | Steve | 03/12/2003 | 20:25 |
| Homer | You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? | Kevin | 03/12/2003 | 17:28 |
| N/A | (HALLOWEEN)
(Wiggum looking at his son, dressed as a cop) Cheif Wiggum: Well if it isn't the cutest cop in Springfield! Lou: Hey you know ah, we got feelings too Cheif Cheif Wiggum: Ok now put you candy on that Ralphy, we have to check if it's safe...... Safe, Safe, Razor Blade, Syringe, Safe, Safe..... |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/10/2003 | 22:00 |
| N/A | Homer: I hate this new area code thing. Like I don't have enough to remember already? ( written on hand ) :: Lenny = White, Carl = Black::
Homer: I that right? And not a single warning! Lenny: Hey, what about all those commercials, and TV programs about it? Carl: Yea and those 2 Weeks we spent at Area Code Camp. Homer: Not even a single sign. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/10/2003 | 21:39 |
| Homer | Run, Marge, run! Pump those crazy legs! | Blab | 03/10/2003 | 12:07 |
| N/A | Marge: I hear there's a bar where men dance with men. Isn't that adorable?
Homer: Well, yeah, if it's true. |
Tom | 03/10/2003 | 11:32 |
| N/A | Justin: You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight, at the expense of the U. S. Navy.
Lance: But they're out there every day protecting us from Godzilla. Chris: And don't forget pirates! J.C.: And jellyfish. Joey: Those whack invertebrates will sting you, old-school! |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:33 |
| N/A | Nelson: Nobody pouts going into a jiggy.
Milhouse: Yeah, that's stupid. Ralph: I wanna twirl. |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:31 |
| N/A | Writer 1: Why don't we call it, "Everyone Hates Raymond"?
(everyone laughs) Writer 2: Well, we stayed up all night, but it was worth it. |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:30 |
| N/A | Homer: (returning from the bathroom) So, what songs did I miss?
Bart: Dad, L.T.'s gone crazy. Homer: Yeah, that's the look. (laughs) |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:29 |
| N/A | Justin: Word.
Nelson: What brings you to Springfield? Lance: We saw your Band Formation Notice in the paper. Bart: Really? You saw our BFN? Justin: I can't believe I'm meeting Milhouse! Word. |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:25 |
| N/A | L.T. Smash: Man, the're gonna be big. And you stood in their way.
Skinner: No I didn't. I even came in early and made orange drink. L.T. Smash: Orange drink!? What, do you live with your mama? Skinner: She lives with me. |
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:24 |
| Principal Skinner | (during assembly) ... so from now on, anything caught in your zipper will be handled by the school nurse, and not me.
|
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:21 |
| Homer | Now listen to me, Smash. We're not signing anything -- unless it's a contract.
|
Brandon | 03/10/2003 | 01:20 |
| Rex Banner | Listen Rummy, I'm gonna make this real simple. Whos' pinching the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side? | ERAD | 03/9/2003 | 13:48 |
| Homer | Homer: I saw some weird stuff yesterday. Sick, errie, disgusting, godly stuff in there. And I want in. | Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 20:04 |
| Homer | Marge: No stalking! Remember when you stalked Edward James Ommos because you thought he ruined your spice garden?
Homer: Well something did!? Please Marge, I need to see the club! Marge: NO STALKING! Homer: Fine.... I'm going to Stalk..... Lenny and Carl..... DOH! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 20:02 |
| Homer and Grandpa | Grandpa: I'm a member!
Homer: Huh? Grandpa: What? Homer: What? Grandpa: Huh? Homer: This is my ticket in! Grandpa: Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, h here it is. The Stone sutters. Homer: Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 19:59 |
| Homer | Homer: What do they do? What don't they do!? They do so much they just dont stop dooing. Oh the things they do there!
Lisa: You don't know what they do there, do you? Homer: Not as such no. Grandpa: I'm a member! Bart: Dad, remember when we took those hypnosios classes to ignore grandpa. Homer: Yea! It's 6 months and I still think I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken Marge! Marge: I know, I know. Bart: Well may be we should listen to him now. Grandpa: I'm a member! |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 19:56 |
| Homer | Homer: I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE STUPID IDIOTS WON'T LET ME IN THEIR CRAPY CLUB FOR JERKS!
|
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 19:50 |
| Homer | Lisa: Dad I thought you said you were going to get my Saxaphone back?
Homer: We're working towards that hunny. Also community service... the catch and release program... World Domination. Lisa: Wold Domination? Dad thats not going to get my Saxaphone back. Homer: (thinks) ("Not to self... The girl knows too much...") |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/8/2003 | 19:49 |
| Homer and Bart | (Homer in the Jockey episode)
Homer: Son, you gotta lose the race tomorrow. Bart: But dad the Springfield 900 will make Duncan a stud! And you said winning is everything. Homer: Your right son. I'll deal with those murdereous trolls. Bart: Huh? Homer: I mean... I'll deal with those murderous trolls. |
Anthony Ferrentino | 03/7/2003 | 16:48 |
| Agnes Skinner/Squeaky Voiced Teen | Agnes: I want everything in one bag.
Teen: Yes, ma'am. Agnes: But don't make the bag heavy. Teen: I don't think that's possible. Agnes: What are you, the possible police? |
Chuck | 03/6/2003 | 22:11 |
| Chief Wiggum | That's the end of your looney tune, Drugs Bunny! | N/A | 03/6/2003 | 14:38 |
| Ned Flanders | Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa. This movie is turning into Spongebob Nopants. | Chuck | 03/4/2003 | 21:18 |
| Simpson Family | Bart: The cops cant just slap a cerfew on us. We have rights!
Marge: Sure you do, you have the right to remain silent. [laugh] homer: that was cold-blooded marge. Marge: yea. Lisa: But its not fair adults always blame kids for everything. Homer: Well if kids are so innocent, why everything bad named after them? Acting childish, kidnapping, Child abuse. Bart: What about adultery? Homer: Not until your older son. |
skamfull | 03/3/2003 | 12:24 |
| Bart/Marge | Bart: Yes! yes! yes! Someone trashed the school!
Marge: What the dilio? Kent Brockman (in news): Im here at Springfield elementary where this morning the three R's stand for rowdyness, ransacking, and eeeeResponsibility. Any suspects chief? Wiggum: None. Thats why we're jumping to the conclusion that this was the work of no good punk kids. Lisa: Kids? Wiggum: Therefore-affective immediately-I am imposing a cerfew. Any kid on the street after dark will be shot. Or return to their parents, as their situation my warrent. |
skamfull | 03/3/2003 | 12:20 |
| N/A | George Plimpton: All right, your word is weather.
Speller: Which one? Can you use it in a sentence? GP: Certainly. I don't know whether the weather will improve. |
Chuck | 03/1/2003 | 19:07 |
| N/A | Lisa: Dad... I had a nightmare
Homer: Aw honey, you're cute. Come lay down and tell daddy all about it. Lisa: I had a dream that the boogeyman- Homer: AHHHH!!! BOOGEYMAN!!! |
Ange | 02/27/2003 | 22:12 |
| N/A | Skinner: This has been a very disappointing day. Alrght, on to Lisa Simpson.
Bart: You're a shoe-in now, Lis. Lisa: After the way I've behaved, I don't deserve to win. Skinner: Well, this doesn't deserve to win. Lisa: What? |
Brandon | 02/25/2003 | 20:27 |
| N/A | Kang: Greetings. I am Kang. Do not be frightened. We mean you no harm.
Marge: You, you speak English. Kang: I am actually speaking Rigelian. By an astonishing coincidence, both of our languages are exactly the same. |
Brandon | 02/25/2003 | 20:23 |
| N/A | Homer: Mmmm... Horse-doovers! (hors d'ouvres)
Marge: Homer! You promised. Homer: I promised I wouldn't eat?! Never! You lied! |
Kevin | 02/22/2003 | 22:23 |
| Marge | I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars. | Kevin | 02/22/2003 | 21:55 |
| lisa/homer | Lisa: Yvan eht nioj? What does that mean?
Homer: It doesn't mean anything. Its just gibberish like ra-ma-la-ma-ding-dong or give peace a chance |
Blade | 02/22/2003 | 17:38 |
| Homer | You know me, Marge -- I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaming!!! | Yablo Racer | 02/15/2003 | 12:18 |
| Lisa/Homer | Lisa: Ok here's some travel tips; only drink bottled water, dont get into an unlicensed taxi, and remember they have winter during our summer.
Homer: Wait wait wait wait wait, so in August its cold? Lisa: Thats right Homer: And in February its hot? Lisa: yup Homer: So its opposite land! crooks chase cops, Cats have puppies. Lisa: No dad its just the weather. Homer | |||